You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
