when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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