The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
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so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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