Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
