you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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