yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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