Sponge bath it is.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
