Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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