He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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