I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
