It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
