You just made me feel so damn special
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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