Ambien. No doubt about it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
