She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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