I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
