i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
