I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
