one two three fourrrrnication!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
