I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
