Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
