Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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