Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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