we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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