I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
