dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
