They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
