I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
