I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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