The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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