Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
