Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
