I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Damn victory sex feels great
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
