The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
