I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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