It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
