Life is so much better after having sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
