You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
pray to the hookup gods
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
