i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
