did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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