but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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