Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
