A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
