my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
