so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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