Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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