you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
