you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
