I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
