He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
