our cab driver is having phone sex.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
