Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize