I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
