At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
