I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
