i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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