i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize