So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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