Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
