I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
