By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
