talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
