I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
