if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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