I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
