update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
