I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
