so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
