Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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