she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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