Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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