Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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