My hand turned me down
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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