do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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